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could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. yep, everybody knows that. well, did you know some owls aren't that wise? don't forget i'm having brunch with meghan tomorrow. who? meghan, my coworker. who? seriously? you've met her like three times. who? (sighs) geico. fifteen minutes could save you...well, you know. aor are you making it remember that night? are you making it dinner after the game? or are you making it a victory meal? are you making it good enough? or are you making it great, with america's #1 choice. pizza hut. now pizza hut offers that great pizza at a great price. the $10 any carryout deal. any pizza. any size. any toppings. now just $10 when you carry out. we all have a choice. get america's #1 pizza and make it great.
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every night on fox sports 1 join our team for the must see highlights and commentary as they turn sports news upside down. fox sports live. tonight at 11:00 p.m. eastern. 10:00 central.
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only on fox sports 1. are we going to see you on any regular basis on fox sports 1? >> you know, a little bit. obviously a big presence on >> thom: yep. >> brian: i still have my commitment to the nfl network. it's fun. i like what we are doing. a lot of energy and good commentary coming. >> thom: before we get out of here, i want to check in on the power rankings from some of the other divisions around the nfl as the texans are in hurry-up mode. we'll turn our attention to you want to talk about a man's division.&n you better bring your helmet, pads and body armor in the afc north. >> brian: interesting. a lot of people wondering how far off the ravens will fall.
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not far. bengals should be poised to be the most consistent. >> thom: 20? >> brian: cleveland is doing good things. god love them. they're lucky to be at 24. >> thom: you look around at the other divisions. let's start in the nfc west. i think we all agree at least on paper, two-horse race. >> brian: i never thought these words would come out of my mouth. the top two teams out of the nfc west. obviously with kaepernick, wilson. st. louis is the wild card to me. sam bradford. it's time to move it up. the arizona cardinals, i just don't know. that was a big loss for them to lose the first round draft pick.
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cooper to a broken leg. >> thom: bruce arias taking over. we'll look at the afc west. second down catch. is that the weakest division? >> brian: for most people's money uh you're talking about the denver broncos at t the top. maybe only second. kansas city the wild card. in oakland, boy, still a lot. mckenzie. allan doing a good job. that was too deep of a hole to dig out of. >> thom: always competitive in the east. >> brian: you have to start with washington. new york. does that 9-7 get them in the playoffs like the last two. philadelphia, the chip kelly effect with
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michael vick. can he not turn the ball over. they help you move philadelphia over in this ranking. >> thom: and last but not least the afc east. >> brian: do we have to? >> thom: i was saying the afc west was in the weakest division in football. obviously they had a good team in denver. we know about the afc ea east. >> brian: they had a slam dunk at the end buffalo obviously an uphill battle. boy, new york. this is going to be like a slow train wreck watching this thing unfold. i don't know what you do to start the season now. if you go with geno smith and it doesn't work out, can you go back to sanchez? if you go to sanchez how long before you pull the trigger and
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go with smith. this is a lot of oh moving parts. >> thom: i think the new england team will be interesting to watch. with all they have been through during the off season. >> brian: people are saying they need to run the ball better. they have 90% of their receptions from last year are no longer there. we don't know when he eel show up. they ran the ball good. they were 7th in the league in rushing. not like they weren't running the ball. they need more to help out. >> thom: 1:03 to go. a fourth down try. keenan to keep the drive alive. the saints will take over on downs. that should pretty much seal the deal. september 8 the nfl regular season kicks off. a fox nfl sunday double header. the saints take on the falcons. that's a huge week one game. that's a divisional game. so, too, is minnesota.
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taking on detroit. the 49ers and packers face off in america's game of the week. check local listings for the games in your area. >> brian: i love those games. teams that start with divisional games. talk about setting the pace. we talked about minnesota with two divisional road games. the chance to make a big impact. san francisco and green bay staking the territory early. who will have supremacy in the nfc in the early part. atlanta and the new orleans saints. this is going to go a long way in terms of determining who has the upper hand starting the season. and tampa bay and caroline will be teams that cam newton get pushed behind last year with luck and rg-iii and russell wilson. colin kaepernick wasn't a rookie, but he's going to have an impact early on.
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>> thom: we hope you have enjoyed it. the next time we'll convene for the nfl on fox it will be the regular season opener. two weeks from today. that's the first sunday of the season. for brian billick, our entire crew, thom brennaman saying stay tuned. the entire cast of the fox football daily crew is coming up. have a great sunday night. we'll see you in a couple of weeks. ♪ [ male announcer ] we'll never know if somehow in some way we can affect the outcome of a game. but when the clock's winding down... ♪ ...and everything's on the line... ♪ ...we all believe... ♪
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...we all believe... ♪ you're not made of money, so don't overpay for at insurance. geico, you're not made of money, see how much you could save. [ male announcer ] a man. a man and his truck... and a broken fence... and a lost calf. ♪ and the heart to search for as long as it takes. and the truck that lets him search for as long as it takes.
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♪ the all-new chevy silverado. the most fuel-efficient v8 in a pickup. strong for all the roads ahead.
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at least we'll know what to wear. >> farmer's almanac told us. we are done here. keep in mind on fox sports 1 you can stay on oh for the must see mielts. spots sports live. a fun time. don't miss it. we'll be back monday through friday for fox football daily at 6:00 eastern time. this week we have two of the best in the league. demarcus ware tomorrow and on wednesday we'll go one on one
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with j.j. watt. our preseason coverage is done here at fox. next time we see you on the network will be the regular season. so for pi partners jay glazer, randy moss, and our entire fox sports crew, curt menefee saying good night. see you on fox sports 1. 
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d'oh. (grunts)
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(thunder booming) "in this exciting strategy game, "you amass resources-- timber, salt fish and wax-- "to fund the syndicate to gain influence with the doges of venice." doges? why do we have to play this stupid game lisa likes? i don't like this game. nobody likes this game. even the kids on the box look bored. they're miserable. we have to do something until the storm passes. now, just fill out these customs forms, and we can get started. (gasps) twister! no! whenever we play that, my elbow touches dad's junk. no! outside the house! (all screaming) (grunts) (grunting) you live like this?
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ooh, dear lord, if thy tornado must take me, please let it take me to oz. but don't let flanders be the scarecrow. (gasps) we made it, boy. (yelping) oh, my god. oh, my god. this counts as a walk! the tornado took old what's-his-name. i'm going after him. no, homie, it's too dangerous. (knocking on glass) hey, homer, we were just doing a little storm chasing. lenny, take us with you to find our dog. it's okay, marge, they're professionals. what? 'cause they rented a van and taped an antenna to the top? (scoffs) not just any tape. duct tape. oh, all right. but i'm coming with you to make sure no one does anything stupid. don't worry, marge, we bought a ton of safety gear from a highly-respected storm chaser's widow. (gasps) it's not what you're thinking. he died of a heart attack. yeah, 80 feet up in the air. behold, the awesome nonsense of nature.
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okay, the tornado that took your dog looked like an f3 moving westerly. i guess you do know your weather. ha! that means a lot coming from such an attractive woman as you. i'd say she's prettier than a surface hoar. hey! surely, you didn't misunderstand my usage of "surface hoar." the sublimation of ice crystals that's colder than a frost point. maybe. look, you guys obviously know about weather, but i understand something much more predictable: women. what women really want is a guy who's confident enough to go completely downhill after marriage and know she'll still love him. i'll tell you what women really want: a man who can hold a note the longest. that is the stupidest... one, two, three, go. (all holding single note) (all continue holding note) homer, you do not have to compete
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with your friends for me. i would never do that. (resumes vocalizing) enough with the singing. (all stop vocalizing) fine, but i swear, i will win you back from lenny. 'nado! ooh. it's like god's vacuum cleaner. (laughing) we're cutting it kind of close. not to worry-- we're safe in the van. anyone want their seat warmer? (gasps) it's gone. help me, god. what is it i'm paying you for every sunday? (marge screaming)
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can... always use... a good babysitter. i was just 27 years from retirement! oh, my god, the twister got carl, my best friend in the world. i can barely remember what he looks like. he was a black guy, but his voice sounded like a white guy. hey, excuse me for wanting to fit in. and here comes santa little helper. homie, we made it. (both scream) oh, my god. nelson: ha ha! you're trapped in there good. once again, the big banks stick it to the little guy. (both grunting) come on. are you pushing? yes, it won't give. (sighs) i don't know if we're going to be able to get out. (squeaking) what are you writing? maybe the last words i'll ever write. oh.
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lenny, you calling for help? let them have their moment. ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ [ beeping ] [ laughs ] ♪ [ siren wailing ] [ male announcer ] they'll see you before you see them.
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cops are cracking down on drinking and driving. drive sober, or get pulled over. well, i hear, there's this orchard... where michael bolton serenades the trees. it's called bolton-izing. it creates the juiciest flavors in the world. okay... [ female announcer ] starburst. unexplainably juicy.
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kent brockman here at death's revolving door. police have arrived on the scene after having fled the state at the first sign of the storm. bulletproof, as i somewhat suspected. but don't you worry, we're having a very expensive crane brought in from shelbyville. what is this, a bird? it's a bird known as a crane. and it got very sick on the way over. well, our top priority is making sure that bird gets well. hey! hello! as for you, your only hope is this glass cutting guy from the hardware store. you guys want to come out in a plain circle or a kind of a rosette shape? just cut the glass. everybody wants it done yesterday. (chuckles) (groans) wiggum: uh, now we're ordering some lunch. uh, want to go halfsies on a pizza? fyi, that means you get one slice. okay, wise guy, you get to pull out
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the two corpses when we're done. except for the face full of glass when the door finally collapsed, he did a pretty good job. found another one. it was so scary thinking something might happen to you guys. mom, i am so glad you're alive. were you worried about me, boy? sure. why not? (stammers angrily) clearly, the boy's in shock. (chuckling): oh, yeah, i'm a wreck. stop being blasé. never! now, i know you kids are scared by what happened, but it's bedtime. just go into your dark rooms and shut your eyes. (kids groaning) homie, if we did both die, we've never named guardians. the kids could end up wards of the state. connecticut? no, our state. (screams) okay, you're right. it's hard to imagine anyone else bringing up our kids, but i think the choice is obvious: my dad.
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oh, you'd let me have another chance after the way i screwed things up with you? eh, good point. we'll find somebody else. yep, you're a big bag of blubber soaked in worthless juice. i got it, dad. why i married you i'll never know. oh, yeah? the tornado was more of a father to me than you. okay, how about my brother? he's rich. (beep) (over answering machine): hi. you've reach herb powell. i'm poor again. (startled grunt) there's really only one choice, or should i say two identical choices? sugar? oh, how very kind of you. i'm not giving our kids to these gravelly-voiced super hags. one lump, please. homer, my sister's adopted ling, and she's doing great. we've been tiger-mothering her. ling, music time. ♪ ling, floor routine. more syncopating. stick the landing!
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and no resenting us ever. that's some impressive flute-nastics. shut up! you can't praise her. she'll think she's smart and slack off. then all our loving would be for nothing. mmm, maybe we'd better go. didn't you want to ask us something? good-bye forever. (whispering): help me. i think it's time to go off family. kirk: luanne and i have gone through some rough patches, so to be seen as stable enough to raise your kids, well, it would be an honor. you know what else would be an honor? having a husband who asks my opinion before inviting in three more mouths he can't feed. hey, luanne, you always asked me what i saw in vicky at the walgreens. well, i'll tell you what i saw: not you! you told me you didn't even know her name. well, that's her name, okay? brandine: let me get this straight. we have 17 kids, and you want us to take three more? anything new that wanders into this house winds up in the stew pot.
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hey, i'm so sorry, but we just adopted a baby. give me back my pants. i've got to get back to my unit. someone's cranky. all right, marge, maybe we're being a little too choosy about who our kids spend the rest of their lives with. we'll take what we can get. (gasping) uh-oh. i wonder if word has gotten out that we're looking for guardians. (grunts, growls) ah! go! go! (tires squealing) (beeping) (people screaming) (people screaming) (people screaming) (dog howling) (people screaming)
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(hums, grunts) (dr. hibbert chuckling) (airplane flying overhead) all right, the coast is clear. (relieved murmuring) wait a minute, i live here. aw. [ man ] she yours? yeah. my first. congratulations, she's beautiful. oh, she's so sweet. thanks. your applewood pulled pork with extra pickles sir. ahh, she is perfect. [ male announcer ] new subway applewood pulled pork. tender pork n' rich barbecue sauce, bursting with sweet, smoky applewood flavor. get it before it's gone. subway. eat fresh. ♪ [ camera shutter snaps ] [ camera shutters clicking, crowd groans ] no. closer. ♪ ♪ i am a veggie, i am so tasty 2007 called, it wants its camera phone back.
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♪ and i am filled with vitamins and minerals ♪ how's this for a drama shot? ♪ la la la la la la why aren't we getting closer? [ guy ] with the nokia lumia 1020, we've got the best seats in the house. ♪ [ male announcer ] meet the nokia lumia 1020 with 41 megapixels and reinvented zoom. nothing else comes close. that's awesome!staurant. and reinvented zoom. i know, voice activated and great gas mileage. so much better than choosing voice activated
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or great gas mileage. that'd be like eating sweet or sour chicken. oh grrrlg what is this?! sour chicken... it's good, right? that'd be awful. i think i like "and" better. and is better. the 2014 focus. only ford gives you ecoboost fuel economy aa whole lot more. go further.
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where are we going? and why are we wearing our good clothes? with name tags on them. kids, there's nothing to worry about. (walrus barking) but we're looking at replacements for your mom and me if we should fail to die together as a family. oh, i see. you guys are trying to find a couple of saps to take us when dad has a coronary in the dead of night, rolls over and crushes mom. this is not that, and that smart-alecky attitude is exactly why no one wants you. homer, dual incomes, no kids at 2:00.
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(gasps) ooh. okay, i'll nudge them with the car. we'll get a whole "meet cute" thing going. (gasping) aah! what the hell are you doing? keith, relax. look at those adorable children. hmm, i think i hear a slight accent. mid-atlantic. (gasps) that's where they filmed the wire! step on it! (tires squealing) this is a pretty important decision. how about asking that japanese guy who set the world record for eating hot dogs? he's like a successful version of dad. (groans) maybe we should just give up for now, have some fried clams and collect sea glass. wait, what about that couple? they look pretty cozy. that's moe and a bag of garbage. boy, cats sure breed a lot. (meowing) (yells) why would you do that to me after i thought about feeding you? (grunts) mmm. (laughing)
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whoa, look at that guy. yo, i'm mav. wow, a man's stomach can be flat? it's one of the, like, awesome side effects of being a pro surfer. wow. someone's smitten. whoa, way to shralp the crispies, babe. my wife, portia. another surfer? environmental lawyer. (sighing) and in my free time, i prosecute record companies who withhold royalties from elderly blues musicians. (sighing continues) (grunting) um, why don't we discuss it over dinner? discuss what? things that you're desperately missing from your life that you never knew you needed. cool. see you at 6:00. (birds cawing)
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so, surfing is really your job? yeah, i earned a couple million on the tour last year. just for standing on a thing? mmm. wow. your house is perfect. no sharp corners, no unsafe balconies, a cool grandpa. i love two things: shutting up and giving away money. ooh, thanks, dad. what's that stone around your neck? it's a promise stone. it signifies that if i ever get to be a burden, i just jump in a volcano. wow. i assumed the jackson five were the only perfect family, but now i see there's another. princeton, b.a., oxford, m.a. i smell a rhodes. no, i turned it down because cecil rhodes was such a racist. (sighs) uh, say, listen, portia. how would you and mav feel about... um, swinging? uh, with you guys? uh, seems like my husband would be getting the much better deal.
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no, no, no. i-i meant pushing kids on swings. give me a minute to get some images out of my mind. okay, take whatever time you need. i just want to know if you'd like to be their guardians. wow. wow, that's quite an offer. this is so fast. it's so hard to get to know a child after just one day. i... all you need to know is i'm a politeness monster who eats please and farts thank-yous, ma'am. i'm exactly the kind of kid he's pretending to be. (belches) hmm. babe, when a killer wave hits, you can't spend your whole life deciding if you want to drop in or not. it just might be the most righteous tube we ever shot. man, you sure can talk surfer talk. okay, we'll give some serious thought to taking them. maybe this will help you make up your mind. it's empty. you never know when you might want to mail something. homie, it's been a wonderful day,
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but do you think maybe we're moving a little too quickly? worrywart marge. you don't look a trojan horse in the mouth. (laughter) but we know so little about them. i swear to you, marge, when i have the time, i will google them both. it's all good, brah. hey, where's bart? oh, uh, well, he wanted to be here, but i'm going to decrease the volume of my voice and mumble so you can't really understand what i'm saying, and i'll just keep doing it until the subject... your father says i need to keep you lashed to the mast for five more arrrs. is that arrrs or hours? both. great. and now my dad can notarize. i still have my uses. mm-hmm. name another. (groans) well, i must admit it's a relief to get that taken care of. now i can finally complete my bucket list.
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(chuckles) homer, marge, we have a favor to ask. too late! you already signed! oh, wait, there's one more. suckers! oh, wait, you've got to initial this. checkmate. (chuckles) listen, homer, we just wanted to know if we could borrow the kids for a weekend at our ski house. we thought they could pick out their bedrooms. a whole weekend? i don't know. hey, if they can watch them for the rest of their lives, they can certainly do it for a weekend. i guess. as long as we don't make it a habit. marge, no indulgence of mine ever becomes a habit. do you have to do that in front of people? it helps me write. ♪ just the two of us ♪ we can make it if we try ♪ just the two of us ♪ just the two of us ♪
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marge, this has been great couples time. the one thing people with kids desperately need is no kids. well, at least we have time to get the pets' christmas presents. i don't like the way they just rip the paper off. santa's little helper, my ass. (gasps) hmm? (gasps) my god. they want to steal our kids. no one steals my kids, except me, from that theme park jail that i never told you about, except i guess i just did. we're all caught up now. let's go.
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we've just topped our quarter pounder with even more bold new taste. you love bacon. we added thick-cut, applewood bacon to our new quarter pounder blt. now more than ever, there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] they'll see you before you see them. cops are cracking down on drinking and driving. drive sober, or get pulled over. it's a reality check. i had my reality check when i'd be sitting there with my friends who had their verizon phones and i'd be sitting there like
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"mine's still loading!" i couldn't get email. i couldn't stream movies. i couldn't upload any of our music. that's when i decided to switch. now that i'm on verizon, everything moves fast. with verizon, i have that reliability. i'm completely happy with verizon. verizon's 4g lte is the most reliable and in more places than any other 4g network. period. that's powerful. verizon. get the nokia lumia 928 for free. marge: it all makes sense now. that's why they took our kids so quick. like all childless couples,
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they troll the beaches waiting for the egg-layers to wander off from their young. she's gonna raise three kids without wrecking that perfect figure. oh, yeah, man. (groans) don't worry, marge. we'll get them. unless we die on this icy mountain road. then they've won forever. homie, i just had a horrible thought. (chuckles) women and their horrible thoughts. what if they are better for the kids than us? marge, let me set your mind straight about something. that spectacular young couple is definitely better for the kids, but those kids are ours, because we made them by accident. and now we're gonna take them back because we love them, especially now that we've had a little time apart from them. (crashing, groans) i've got a bone to pick with you. then an apology to make. then we exchange insurance information. then more bone picking. homer, marge, i understand your anger, but your kids are more awesome
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than the breaks at waimea. those better be good breaks. honestly, we fell in love with them, and it just seemed like you guys didn't really want them. sure, you wanted the fun parts, but do you want to go to their little league games and recitals? we totally have. like clockwork. well, i'm glad someone has. look, before anyone says anything else, how could you possibly think you could get our kids? it happens more than you know, marge. i'm a lawyer; he's a surfer. that combination's pretty unstoppable. bart: well, i'm afraid that we don't want to be with anyone but mom and whoever she chooses to be with. portia, you're the woman i dream of becoming, but mom is my mom. fine, but you're leaving a gap in our lives that can only be filled by foreign travel, sleeping late and gourmet food. you guys lock up. we're going to bali. (groans) again. we've won! (flatly): whoo-hoo. kids, your father and i have decided we're not in such a hurry to get you guardians.
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instead of concentrating on dying, we're going to concentrate on living. if you call this living. why, you little... (choking, grunting) i do call this living. living the way kids in india can only dream of. there is nothing like your biological family. captioning sponsored by 20th century fox television fox broadcasting company brought to you by ford. go further. captioned by media access group at wgbh (homer, lenny and carl holding single note) (lenny and carl coughing) (homer continues holding note) homer: i win. lenny: win what? homer: i forget.
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d'oh! (tires screeching) (grunts) (belches) announcer: it's been a brilliant day of women's tennis, with petrevkova narrowly edging mashakova. we take you now to doubles action between pavlyuchenkeka-vilnikova
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and strakova-mishtnupetrateva. (laughs) to me, it's legs versus boobs. homer: what the...? change the channel? but i'm watching soft-core tennis. both: ki-ya karate monsters! what the hell is that? it's our favorite show. mom said we could watch it. did she really say that? are you gonna walk upstairs and ask her? (thunder rumbles) no. (theme song playing) narrator: from a shaolin monastery in darkest transylvania come helpful hell-spawn. with homicidal honor, they rampage for peace. ki-ya! ki-ya! ki-ya! you like this now? what about planet jackson and the earth brigade? bart: dad, we don't watch that show anymore. it's for babies. planet power! (bart and lisa grunting) kung fu werewolf chop! blob jitsu kick!

60 Minutes
CBS August 25, 2013 7:00pm-8:00pm EDT

News/Business. Steve Kroft, Lesley Stahl, Scott Pelley. (2013) The accuracy of credit reports; computer facial recognition; the Nile crocodile. New. (CC) (Stereo)

TOPIC FREQUENCY Marge 12, Lenny 5, America 3, Portia 3, Verizon 3, Nokia Lumia 3, Carl 3, Mmm 2, Philadelphia 2, New York 2, Geico 2, Ford 2, Meghan 2, Sanchez 2, Lisa 2, Luanne 2, Blob Jitsu 1, Earth Brigade 1, Bengals 1, Mav 1
Network CBS
Duration 01:00:00
Scanned in Annapolis, MD, USA
Source Comcast Cable
Tuner Channel 77 (543 MHz)
Video Codec mpeg2video
Audio Cocec ac3
Pixel width 528
Pixel height 480
Sponsor Internet Archive
Audio/Visual sound, color

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on 8/25/2013